Human Design

The Real Reason You’re Stuck

We have many excuses for why we are stuck, but are any of them really true? I want to talk about what is going on. What’s weighing us down?

We are operating based on conditioning, not necessarily what we truly desire.

What is conditioning?

It’s the beliefs or ‘shoulds’ that modern society, your ancestry or even your well-meaning family or friends may have put onto you. Some of it you are aware of, but often the conditioning becomes so ingrained that we don’t even realize it. It affects your decision making, causing you to say yes to things you think you ‘should’ do, not always what you truly want to do. You may even think you are saying yes to the right things, but it’s only because you are so numb to the conditioning that you can’t tap into how you truly feel.

In the modern world, we are bombarded with limitless choices and not every option is correct for us. But we often take them all on as ours and we live with this mask. We then make up excuse after excuse to ourselves and others instead of just doing what is right for us and getting unstuck.

An example: You are going to the paint store to get a couple paint swatches for a room in your house.  You want the room to be bright and you love all shades of yellow.

You enter the store and there are several customers and a couple clerks in there. Let’s say you head towards the yellow swatches, but the clerk says “oh yellow, that is so out of date.” And another customer nearby overhears and says “I love blue, it looks so amazing, I saw that it’s trending on Pinterest” and another customer chimes in and says “I think green is calming and helps you feel better, that’s the color you should get.”  You take in all of this “stuff” from around you in the store and you bring home a bunch of color swatches for your walls— yellow isn’t even in there!

You might even end up with something looking like a crazy quilt room, blue walls with a green accent wall. To some this may be amazing. The style choices are beside the point. But you really wished you had picked yellow. That was your desire, your choice and your heart was in it. You sit in your room and instead of feeling super excited, you feel like you’ve settled. You don’t even go in that room much, because the colors bother you and yet you don’t feel like painting it again.

You wished you had picked a neutral yellow so that your home could feel earthy and grounded and beautiful next to the wood floor, white furniture and plants.  The thought of it feels so good to you. You wonder what happened.

We all have different authentic preferences. Conditioning is when things outside ourselves influence our choices, our paths, our beliefs, thoughts and emotions.

The opinions about the paint samples are like thoughts & beliefs that we take on as our own. And then we just live with them as though they are ours.  Sometimes it just happens and we don’t even realize it (like taking home paint swatches of all the colors except the one you want).

Conditioning is almost like a fog that covers up our true desires. It fills our auras like a cloud that drops down onto earth to blur and dampen the atmosphere.  Imagine if it were cloudy every day. It would look cool at first, then it would get annoying, and eventually we would just become used to it.

Sometimes it can feel like we are on autopilot and that becomes our priority.  We make excuses so we can stay in this safe place, because it’s hard to know which voice inside your head is truly yours.

Our energy field is meant to be sparkly, bright, clear and flowing; not clouded, thick and stuck.

Where does your pain come from?

It comes from things like:

  • Wearing a mask and trying to be something you are not to please another, or because you think it’s what you are supposed to do to be happy.
  • Your conditioned thoughts replayed in your head.
  • Holding onto things longer than you should.
  • Energetically vibrating at a low level for too long.
  • Soaking in other’s emotions and holding them as your own.
  • Acting on other people’s inspiration and wasting your precious time and energy on things you don’t even want to be doing.

I want to remind you, it’s not your fault.  It’s what our parents did, and their parents – it’s what everyone does and everyone is taught to do.  I want you to know it’s going to be okay.  And, I want you to know about this because I want to help moms break the cycle and do better for their kids.  We have the chance to awaken ourselves and be better role models for our kids.

When you are a mom, you have extra layers of conditioning. You know how many conditioned beliefs there are about being a “good mom.” If you are a working mom – there’s a set that goes along with that. If you are a stay-at-home mom, a different set. Some of the rocks come from society, but some come from our personal experiences. So, guess what, we all think that being a good mom is something different – and yet, we judge ourselves and others based on false beliefs.

So, what. Why should we care?

We are all conditioned. Why do something different now? It’s working…well, kind of?!

When we live on auto-pilot, we don’t even notice how sluggish we are. It’s just how things have always been. We might not even feel like anything is wrong. But, most of us are weighed down by things that are not ours. It can make us burned out and sick, going through life without the sense of purpose we yearn for. If you are reading this book – you likely identified that there is a purpose you are yearning to reconnect with.

It takes more energy to wear a mask than to show your true face.

If you are walking around wearing a mask designed by others, you will not have the energy to do what you love. Your body may even show you that you are not aligned through stress, body distortion (like weight gain or loss), fatigue, not sleeping well, or worse.

All of these items are masking who you truly are and weighing down your energy field.  You may feel overwhelmed, like you are dragging or even sick.  You are basically just wasting energy living a life that might not even be yours. And then, guess what. You don’t have the energy to do what you love.

Even though I am aware of my conditioning, I still am affected by it. I can now, at least, stop and ask myself if this is my belief or someone else’s.  I still do too many things at once – but I’m slowly getting better. I get tangled up in the idea that I must raise my kids in a certain way, or be a certain type of employee to “be good”.  I get caught up in other’s emotions and think they are mine. It takes a while to sort it all out.

Luckily, you don’t have to stay stuck. You can take your power back. You can peel back the layers of conditioning and throw the rocks out the door – back to nature where they belong.

As a mom, all of this leads to you being a great role model for your kids. You can teach them by ‘being’ and not even have to say a word.

It’s time to take off your mask.

Let go of any ways you’re aware you may have been conditioned to think there is something wrong with the way you were meant to naturally exist in the world.

It is important to follow your heart and not what everyone else thinks you should be doing. 

  • Learn to love on yourself as much as you love others.
  • You only have to take one step at a time and let things unfold gradually. 
  • You don’t have to blindly do what you are told.
  • You can do what you want to do.
  • Listen to your heart and gut. 
  • Know that your desires are your guide, not your foe.
  • Shed what’s not yours.
  • BE YOU!

The answer— your truth–  comes from a surrender to listening to your body. It’s about not trying to be something in particular, rather letting life unfold – and making decisions that are right for you by learning how to communicate with your body.

What do I do to get to alignment?

The answer is to just start becoming more aware.  Sometimes it takes removing something cold turkey and seeing how it feels. Like when you are pregnant and you remove something like caffeine, alcohol or a certain food you’ve been accustomed to eating and then when you are able to re-introduce the item back in, you can really feel it. Like the caffeine in a coffee may be really felt now, where it was likely more dulled or craved as a necessity before you removed it.  Now, you are more aware of how it affects you. That’s what happens with the things in your life, the people and how their interactions make you feel, emotions and many other things.

If you don’t know where to start, Human Design is like a map for where you might be prone to conditioning.  You can use it as a tool to look at some areas where you might collect all the clutter or maybe where you are just stuck in your own ways. You can start with your undefined energy centers. Learn more about them here.

Conditioning weighs us down and makes us feel bad. 

We must learn to de-condition so we can feel better and have the sparkly, clear light energy field that we all deserve.  We also must learn to de-condition so that we are the best role model for our kids and the next generation. 

Do you want a challenge? Let’s put this into practice.

  1. Shed the things you do because you think you should: As things come up that you dread doing, write them on a list. Don’t do anything with them yet, just write them down. They can be a small dread – are you annoyed? Write it down. Or if you are asked to do something (like participate in something or volunteer) and it feels like an obligation and not an excitement, write it down. You don’t have to do anything with the list right away— awareness is the first step.  You will start to see a list of things you have been conditioned to do. Eventually, see how you can remove these items off your list. Eventually you will know not to put these kinds of things on your list in the first place.
  • Examine the beliefs that guide your life: As you hear advice from others, or voices in your head telling you things that make you feel off, write them down.  For example, someone tells you it’s “best to put your kid to bed at 7pm”, but you have tried that and it doesn’t work. You imagine the struggle that will take place to adhere to this advice and you feel the discord. You know what is true for you/your family regardless of what is being offered. 

When you feel that feeling, it is a signal that your truth doesn’t align with the belief.  You don’t have to instantly do anything about it, it’s just about becoming aware of how your body talks to you. Often, we start out trying on their advice anyway and have a bad experience. That’s okay! It will only solidify what you know is correct for you.  Now that you are aware, you will eventually move to questioning their advice and waiting to act or give an answer, and then possibly deciding not to follow it at all!

Success! You’re on the list.

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